Crazy or Realism?

You know what's (not really) funny?  After I wrote that last blog about having a really "bad day" and all the negative stuff that kept on happening... because I was on a negative frequency level... I was tuned into that station and things aren't going to change unless you change the station.

Several hours after bitching about how bad my day was going... after 21 years of driving, a truck in front of me kicked up something from the road and it (big time) cracked my windshield. 

Yep.

Pretty much I was asking for it.   

I was upset at first... then I changed my tune and was like whatever.  I watched the crack grow and became amused by it.. almost like it was Art. 

We had it replaced like a week later.  One day later it was cracked again.  Haha.  Yeah... I'm not sure who caused that one.. but I don't think it was me.  I'm on my 2nd replacement.  Let's hope we can stay on the right path.  The non-cracked windshield path.

You know what's WEIRD??  Two days after the initial incident with the crack...I told my friend about it.  A half an hour after I told her, she left work and the same freaking thing happened to her. 

Now THAT is Weird. 

Bye for now. 

Oh... I've got to have something else up my sleeve. It's been a month.  (almost) 

Hmmmmmmmmmmmm.......

I just peed.  I hate peeing in a room with strangers!!!!!!!!!

I can add a little something I was thinking about earlier:

you know when you see that person at a store.. they catch your eye because.. it's an old lady with exaggerated, drawn-on eyebrows and sloppy, bright red lipstick.. her hair is a disheveled mess.. wearing mismatched clothing and she's talking to herself.. or a man.. wearing a pleated skirt and heels.. perhaps some fake boobs..looking for miniature cans of grapefruit juice (true story).. what's your first thought? she's freakin' nuts. he's a freak. they MIGHT be crazy.. but they might just.. have a full grasp on their true self.. and could absolutely give two shits about what YOU think of them. people like that get my brain going.. but i also admire them. we make so much fuss as humans.... with brand name clothing.. and perfect hair.. expensive jewelry/cars/houses.. we want everyone to think that we REALLY have our shit together. fact is.. most of us don't.  AT ALL.  so please... look right thru the fluffy material lining... and take a peek inside someone.  the eyes don't lie. head there first.

negative nancy

It's funny how... when you're completely submerged in a pool of irritation.... it keeps getting worse and worse as the day goes on.  I don't want to say it's a "bad day".. because that's not smart.  That only leads to... me not having a good day.  And who doesn't want to have a good day?

Irritation SUCKS ASS. 

I hate it.  Things happened this morning.. in my house... before I left work... I will spare you the details but they involved vomit and blood.  (not what you're thinking)  So of course my drive in is going to be irritating.  Slow drivers.. red lights... school buses.  It's like when there's a fumble on the field... everyone jumps on the ball... and all these humans keep piling up... one on top of another.  That's how irritations works.  

I had to laugh tho.  I come into the office and... get my things set up for the day.  I look at the US map on my wall and I see "Baja California".  .....and THAT irritates me.

"Why the fuck is it called California when it's in Mexico????"

These are the times that my inside voice tells me...  I need a beer.

Meditation would work even better.  Just meditated last night.  It was great.  Feeling calm is a tremendous feeling.  I love it so much, and I want to feel it always.

I feel like there is such turmoil happening most times.. inside my head.

*SIGH*

I cut my own hair last night.  Which is dumb because I don't know what I'm doing.  I was like.. "I don't even give a shit".

Someone..... come quick with an open hand.  And make it a good one. 

Oh, one more thing.  Another thing that pissed me off....  it's October 21st....  and this house has LIT REINDEER and a LIT MANGER in their front yard.  What the fuck is wrong with people?  I can't say there's something wrong with people getting excited about something... and it's not hurting anybody.... but... what happened to the two other holidays in between now and Dec 25?

I just don't like it.

There are lots of good, healthy, positive things that happen in my life, and I don't dismiss them.  It just seems like sometimes... when not-so-good things happen...  I take it personally.  I can't seem to just dust if off and move on.  It lingers.

Tonight will be a good night tho.

This is not funny.

Technology, in certain aspects, is a great thing.  It has saved thousands, perhaps millions of lives.  It brings some people together, but it seems as if it is ruining a part of humanity.  I saw (what appeared to be) a dad, walking to the bus stop with his kid - probably 6 or 7.  Dad was looking at his phone.  Kid was just looking ahead.  If that phone didn't exist, what do you think would occur?  It could still be silence between the two, but it could also be a good opportunity to TALK to your kid.  Get to know him a little better.  Let him ask you questions.  I just think that... THAT part of the kid/parent life is such a beautiful thing.  Being a kid is pretty much the most important part of your life.  What goes on when you're a kid is what makes you who you are, pretty much till death. 

It's a free-for-all when humans create other humans.  You can do - or not do - whatever you want with them.  I think it is your absolute duty to do your best at instilling a few key things in their tiny heads.  Like respect, for one.  Respect for themselves and others.  That would be a great place to start.  You need to respect THEM, and also demand respect from them.  Confidence is also HUGE.  An insecure kid is not going to get very far in life.

Why do so many do the bare minimum?  I am no angel.. I'm a huge slacker.. there are a million things I want to change about myself!  But..... if I had the incredible luck and HONOR to actually create a human being... you better believe I'd be putting blood, sweat and tears into that miracle of life. 

Public Pooping

I'm sitting there.  She's sitting there.  It's dead silent.  I'm hoping she just has to pee.  I'm sure she's thinking the same.  After a few seconds, we both realize... that's not the case.  So,  I have a choice to make.

Do I stay, and relieve myself so I am comfortable, physically?  Or do I push out a little pee, pull up my pants and leave, so I am comfortable mentally? 

I chose mental comfort. 

Is that part of anxiety?  Insecurity?  Does everyone have these thougths?  No.  There are some of you out there that give zero "shits" about shitting in public, with a stranger 3 feet away. 

There should absolutely be music playing in every public restroom.  I'm sorry, I am not one of the few carefree and confident humans out there that find that situation no different than greeting someone on a subway.  I think it's awful!!!!!

Releasing your waste... pooping.. shitting.. crapping... droppin' a deuce.... dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool.... hahaha.... it's human nature.  I believe it should also be a private thing.  500 years ago, people pooped.  Up until I looked it up just now, I had no idea how long humans have been on this planet.  They say 200,000 years.  .....haha I'm over here saying "500 years ago..." likes it's a long time.  What about 195,000 years ago....  how did humans poop THEN?  I am envisioning what I call "the woods".  Others call it "the forest".  What did humans who lived 195,000 years ago call it?  Either way, I'm fairly certain they didn't have anything remotely resembling a toilet back then, so most likely, they squatted against a tree and did their thing - in private. 

Now... 200,000 years later.. there's me.  In an office building full of strangers.. and a room.  A small room you go in when your shell needs some attention.  Whoever thought of "the stall" didn't have a very open mind.  That stall only takes away ONE SENSE.  I can't SEE the person next to me (thank God).. oh.. but I sure as hell can HEAR them.  I believe taking away the hearing is just as - if not more - important than taking away the Sight - of such a private, stinky act.

Enter.............. Music.  That thing most of us love.  It makes EVERYTHING better.  Even shitting.

But my office bathroom has no music.  No sound.  Just... discomfort. 

So yeah, I left for two reasons.  If I did my thing, it would make me feel uncomfortable if SHE heard.. .and if she did her thing I would be uncomfortable FOR HER.. because EYE heard.  So, I did it for both of us.  I could have just stayed there, and waited.  But then... that would be a selfish act (in my eyes) because then SHE would have no privacy.  I think it should be an unwritten code of conduct.  Like the courtesy flush.  Give each other the privacy they deserve.  The problem is... most people are self-centered.  I do them a solid and.. they leave me out in the cold.  whatever...  I'm a firm believer in ... it's better to give than receive.  So...  my good deed is done for the day.  She had her private poop.  .........as I waited down the hall.. peeking out of a crack in my door.... like the fucking weirdo that I am. 

At least I got a private poop sesh out of the deal.  :))  Win - Win. 

Brand New Ideas

Do you know how hard it is to.....
think of something that you've never thought about before?

You know how someone will say something, and you say, "I've never thought about that before!" ?

They introduced the idea to you.  You've never thought about it, and now that they mention it, you can think about it.  But...  coming up with something completely fresh...  something you've never ever thought about before.  How do you do that?

I wonder how all those great inventors and scientists came up with the shit they came up with.  All those dudes that discovered planets and electricity ...

What about the cotton gin?  LOL.  Definitely do not know what that is.  Homophone.  Wasn't that a Thing??  Phonogram.  Telegram.  Facsimile.  We are surrounded by inventions.  Discoveries. 

I don't know how people get used to things.  Like.. the first time someone discovered FIRE.. Fucking FLAMES.  Or....  the first telephone conversation.  How do you ever get used to something like that??  Sitting in your den, with a man-made device up to your earhole... talking... and you can hear someone you know talking in your earhole... but they are hundreds of miles away.... but.... their voice.. THEIR ACTUAL VOICE is going thru copper/metal/plastic wires and into your ear.

WHAT .....................THE FUCK?

That's fucking madness.

Airplanes are another one.  I still look up in disbelief when I see a low-flying plane.  You go to this building... with a bunch of strangers and man-made devices.... and you walk onto this TUBE.. and it flies through the air... and a little while later... you're in another state.  Or country.  HAHA.  WOW.

It's like a dream.

Everything is a dream.

Inventors.  How did they come up with their brand new, fresh ideas?  How do you think of something that no one ever thought about before??  Where does that brain tidbit come from??

Like a baby that's dreaming.  You see it smiling.  What the fuck does it have to dream about??  It hasn't experienced any experiences yet.  Well.. that's not true.  It's had plenty of experiences in the womb.  Some say they can be dreaming about past lives.  Since.... they're so close to that death/birth circle.  

YOU know what I mean.  It seems there is a circle of life.  When you're really old... you start acting like a helpless baby again... then you eventually die... then there is a newborn baby... who is helpess and wrinkly... it seems as if... its a cycle.  Death... boom... Birth.

But the baby is brand new.. and hasn't learned anything yet.  It has to be taught things... and go thru a series of moments... years of moments and lessons.. and then it dies with all of that knowledge.  What would be the point of living and learning, if it just all ENDS?

So.....  a baby that is new... with supposedly no knowledge...

Okay hold on.... haha.  It's only 9:30 in the morning.  I can't completely grasp what I am trying to figure out here.

It's the whole idea of reincarnation I guess.  You know how we say that some people have "an old soul"?  Like.....  You'll meet a 13 year old and they just seem REALLY REALLY wise.  Then you'll meet an 85 year old and it seems as if they haven't learned JACK SHIT.  Yeah...  I think I believe in reincarnation.  It makes sense.

Everything is a CYCLE.  It's alllllll about the cycle.  The seasons.  It's a cycle.  It's Winter... everything dies.... it's Srping... there is new growth.  And it happens... every year.  Over and over and over. 

The life cycle.  A beginning and an end.  Everything has a beginning and an end.  What about the Universe.  Did it have a beginning??  Does it have an end?

q-tips, crime scenes and elephants in heels.

I forgot to Q-tip this morning.  :(   *sigh*  In the grand scheme.. it's not a big deal but.. it makes me REALLY uncomfortable.  And kinda sad.

I know I've written about this high heel shit before.  There is such a laundry list of things I shake my head at.. pretty much on a regular basis.. and this is hovering around the number one slot.

Two chics in my office building wear these very high.. heels.  They look like COMPLETE idiots walking around in these things.  Haha... how do they not know this?  Sitting/standing.. I'm sure they look amazing.  If I put on a pair.. and started walking.. I would instantly realize how ridiculous I look.. and NOT AT ALL SEXY... and I'd be like..  I need lots of practice first.

I mean.. come on.. it defeats the whole purpose.  Why are they wearing heels?  Because heels are sexy.  There is no other reason in the world to wear heels.  They sure as fuck aren't comfortable.  

LADIES:  THERE IS NO SEX APPEAL IF YOU ARE WALKING LIKE A NEWBORN ELEPHANT.

We've seen them.  The (usually older) ladies strutting their stuff, down the sidewalks of New York City... looking classy and confident.  Like they've done this before.  Seasoned veterans.  Sex and the City comes to mind.  Those ladies always looked so nice.  

It's weird with me and colors.  My eyes see them and I perk up like a splash of cold water has jumped on my face.  Oh!  Look at that BLUE bag!!  I love it.  I have to have it.  Then....  my liking for it starts to fade after a couple weeks... or even days sometimes.  Why is that?  I've had the same man in my life for decades... the same job...  I keep my cars for many years..  I guess because those things are pretty huge.  Not disposable.  It's not a real big deal if I get sick of a 20 dollar, Chinese-made box or bag.

Currently, I have this "handbag" [I loathe the term 'purse' for some reason - it's a Really Stupid word], which is Poppy.  I was in my good friend's wedding.. and my dress was Poppy.  Thought it was a good idea to grab a poppy bag.  For you gentleman..  it's like red with some orange thrown in.  It's really bright and cheery and very girly..  something I am not.  Some things tho.... they grab my attention... and I just go with it.  I'm an odd creature, I admit it.  I can't figure me out either.  Don't be surprised if you see me walking around with my poppy bag while wearing mens jeans.  I really do not fit any mold.  My mold has shit growing out of it like those creepy things potatoes get when you let them sit around too long.

.....What else?

Oh.  So I go this certain way to work sometimes..  and there was this house.. it was suddenly up for sale and looked alllllll messed up and abandoned.  I guess I came to the conclusion that it was a divorce house.  I've seen it several times before.  Families break up - not at all on good terms - and they just abandon ship.  Everything is just.. left behind.  They want to walk away and never look back.  So... the bank takes over and.. eventually has someone clean it all up and they sell it.  This particular house..  it was abandoned for a while.. I think there was a for sale sign up... I can't remember.. it's been a couple of years... but today I drove by and.. the house is completely gone.  Like... Gone.  Just land.. with new grass.. and a for sale sign.  what the fuck happened in THAT HOUSE that they had to demolish the whole fucking thing??  To my knowledge, there was no fire.

I do not focus on the negative.  I try not to anyway.  I try to avoid the news (a.k.a The Bad News).  I try not to focus on all the horrible things humans do to each other.  But sometimes I think about it.   It's really awful stuff, yet fascinating at times.  Sometimes things actually escalate to murder.  Removing life from one's body.  THAT is how bad it gets.  Then......  what about the mess left behind?

The Crime Scene Cleanup Crew.  What about THEM?  You think it takes a certain kind of person to be an E.R. nurse... or a Mortician?  How about these ladies and gents?  They've got to walk into the most disturbing room there is.. and stay there until it's clean.  How in the FUCK do they block the reality of the situation out of their minds???  How do they not get overwhelmed with emotion?

*sigh*  life is so overwhelming at times.

I hope you kept up... there was a disco ball on the purple porch today....

B.G.

I love baby goats.

A purple-ish, Wednesday ponder

Purple Ponder.  That's what I had to go with for my website name.  purpleponder.blogspot.com.  I say "had to" like.. I HAD TO.  It's a free site that someone mentioned.  I'm sure I could get a cooler, more personal website if I paid for it.  And really....  how much would that be anyway?  like 20 bucks a year?  I have no idea.  I really want purpleporch.com.  I feel that Purple Porch is MINE.  Like.. mine mine.  Like....  you know how your big toe is YOURS...  well... purple porch is MINE.

:)

hold on...  I"m going to go to purpleporch.com right now.

Well.. it's taken.. and it's weird.  I don't even know what it is.  purpleporch.net is taken as well.  purpleporch.org is available.. but I don't want that.  Anyway... I'm sure it's just a fleeting thought.  I have dozens of those a day.

So the word 'ponder' came to me this morning... and then reminded me of my blog name.  Well, the blog NAME is.. you know what the blog name is.  The SITE name is purple ponder.. cause some bitch took purple porch.  HAHA.  Just kidding.  I'm sure she's a fine young lady.  So anyway.... Ponder.

I saw four gentelmen this morning on my ride in to work...  3 walking... one sitting on his shut-off motorcylce - all seemingly Pondering.  The 3 that were walking were very slowly walking... not walking for exercise.. just kinda... walking.  And Pondering.  I could totally tell..  even in the 3 seconds that I looked at their face.  Lots on their minds.  Man... life is fucking TOUGH.  It's really really really hard to get through certain things.  I seriously can't even imagine having to go through tough times all by myself.  I have a [couple] handfuls of friends I can call on the telephone this very moment... and they would sincerely listen to me talk.. and cry.. and vent... and do whatever it is that I needed to do.  THAT is pretty fucking awesome.  You know what ...  even if I had ONE of those... that would be great.  You don't need 10... or 5...  One is good.  So if you've got one, sincere, true friend..  You're fucking GOLDEN.  And I'm happy for you.  Cause really......   that's all you  need.

Tons of relationships break up, daily.  Family breaks apart.  True friends?  That shit's like concrete. 

Well.. I just saw on "the internet" that human bones are 65 times stronger than concrete.  So... if that's the case...  true friends are like bones.  Haha.  

A N Y W A Y . . . .

Saw those dudes pondering and felt compelled to take a visit to the Porch.  Coincidentally..  Pearl Jam's Porch is my favorite PJ song.

One of my favorite things of all time is to chill on my mother's porch.  With her of course.  Chill.  Drink..  Ponder.  Let our minds freely flow..  discuss ridiculous and hilarious things.  ["Okay, pretend you're an alien..."]  Seriously... now that I think of it more.. it's actually my all time favorite thing to do.  It doesn't have to be HER porch but.. her porch is pretty spectacular.  She has to be there tho...  no one can ponder quite like this woman.  No one wants their mother to be gone off the Earth.. but I really do not want this woman off the Earth.  EVER.  Yes, she's my mother, but she's also thee single coolest individual I have ever met.

MAN am I really good at getting off track.

So the 3 dudes that were walking.. who knows what they were thinking.  And the other dude... he reminded me of Layne Staley.  [RIP... best vocalist EVER]  His motorbike was parked in a gas station parking lot.  He was sitting on it, sideways...  kinda stroking his beard.  Not a full blown beard.. but a chin beard.  Stroking.....  pondering.    Yeah.

I'm a ponderer.  And a wanderer.

time to proofread.

John Anthony Gillis, III - The Seventh Son

Stage AE, Pittsburgh - 7/27/14

I call Jack White a weirdo.  Weirdos are the best kind of people.  I don't know him, but I wish I did.  You can just tell he'd be a really cool guy to hang out with.

So, I can't recall how many years I've been a fan of  his.  Probably when the White Stripes first came out.  It was really cool to finally see him live.  Nothing tops that Very First Moment when one of your favorite musicians appears on stage.  The excitement you feel..  the chills... some tears.  Such a fun feeling.

It's just SO much better seeing a band Live.  Of course if the band is terrible, it's not going to be better live.  But to me, it's a much, much better experience than listening to one of their pre-recorded songs on the radio or cd or whatever.  Especially with a show like Jack White's.  It's so.. RAW.  I absolutely LOVE that Raw quality to rock and roll.  Just... Jamming out..  letting your energy flow... and letting your soul spill out on that stage, for thousands of strangers to witness.  It's a beautiful experience.  One that I am most grateful to be a part of.

Not quite, but the humans almost ruin the whole experience for me.  I try my best not to let it bother me... but there's one thing that goes on at Every concert I attend that absolutely drives me insane.

Talking.. the Whole. Fucking. Show.

Seriously people?  Why the fuck are you at a concert?  Why did you shell out a large amount of cash  to loudly bullshit with your friends and ignore the band?  Are all the bars in the world suddenly out of business?  I wasn't aware.  I know there's not a "no talking" policy in place at concerts, and I'm not saying I never talk to my concert buddy.. I'm talking the people who do 95% talking and 5% taking in the musical experience.

I know... it's none of my business what They do.  I don't care if they are missing out on the experience... they may not even like the band... and are just there to socialize.  But ... if I could learn to completely tune them out... that'd be great.  Just ear-plug out the crowd.  I'm trying to take in this amazing, raw, real, live experience.. and I hear these loud ass drunks talking about shit COMPLETELY unrelated to the show.

I swear to you.. I heard this dude behind me say to this other dude.. "So, I hear you're a doctor."

..............................................Really?

Save it for the break, man.  The end of the show...  your bathroom trip.

It's just like the movie theater.  SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.

Stay in your living room or your basement and watch the movie on your big screen if you want to talk thru the whole thing.  If you need to say something to your person - at that moment- go ahead and say it...  softly... and in their ear...  not loud and not constant.

Michael (W), you may think I have some anger issues.... and yeah.. I need to move to the south. Maybe I CAN use a good dose of calm, slow, easy living.  I'm too high-strung. I know this. I get impatient on the road.. and in public places.  I just want people to be courteous.

I know I live in a fantasty world... and I want to create a world of my own, with all of MY people in it.  Just last night I was envisioning being able to rent out the whole concert venue... and have only my people there.  That would be AWESOME.

All in all..... besides the irritating humans...  it was a really good show.  The drummer was KILLER.  I love how he was right up front... off to the side.. and Jack was interacting with him, almost the whole time.  They were feeding off of each other.  I love that his guitar had a CORD.  Gotta love the Old School.

They had called for storms.. and even a possible tornado.  It was a nice night.  It started pouring during the very last song.  We were quite lucky.  It was nice... it was like going out with a bang.  Even my conservative husband said of the rain "NOW it's a rock n roll show."  

My Mind Is A Pig Pen

So I started out with a piss poor attitude this morning.  Anxiety was high.  It's still there, following me around like a fake, dark cloud with fake rain like you would see in a kid's school play.  Remember "pig pen" from Charlie Brown?  He had a continuous dust/dirt cloud surrounding him everywhere he went.  Haha.  That's pretty silly.  I kinda feel like him lately.  Although my cloud is made of anxiety, not dirt.  The Anxiety Cloud.  It's not brown like dirt.  What color IS it?  Black?  That's the obvious choice, since black is "dark" and "foreboding".  No..  I think it's more of a pea soup green.  Yeah.  The color of "ill".

So anyway, enough of that nonsense.  I'm fully aware of my chemical imbalance in the brain... and it continues to go untreated so..  that's that.

I rolled up on a school bus this morning.  It was a short bus.  Everyone behind me, myself including, is on their way to work, most likely behind schedule.  So we stop, as the bus has it's stop sign extended.  A mother puts her young son on the bus.  He doesn't go to his seat tho.  There is a lot of talking going on... and eveyrone's patience is running very thin.. even like 30 seconds in.  It's like... get your kid on the bus.. say goodbye.. and let the world continue to spin.  So then...  she gets ON the bus.. .continues talking.  Dude behind me beeps.  Haha.  I understand your frustration but.. it's a school bus.  There is nothing anyone can do.  I'm not going to be the idiot who ignores the school bus stop sign and goes, just because I'm irresponsibly running behind schedule.  I was feeling the irritation rise as well.  She finally gets off the bus and the driver keeps the stop sign out for at least another 10 seconds.

This whole situation seemed to last forever.  Maybe I DO need to move to the south.  I don't like being part of the hustle and bustle.  There is nothing wrong with what that mother did.  She was being a good mother.  She could have said fuck it, and walked away, letting the bus driver deal with whatever issue the kid was facing.

Still at the same time, I wonder how serious an issue it really was.  She seemed as tho she had no concern to hurry things along, as a line of cars was forming because of her actions.  I can feel the anger rushing in when I witness what appears to be inconsideration.  I know it would have been easier to tolerate if I was not running late for work... but still... I just wish people had more courtesy towards their fellow humans.

But again, I judge.  I have NO CLUE what was being said on that bus.  He could have been being a pain in the arse and she was like "come on! all these people are waiting for us!"  ... but I doubt that.  Dude behind me was jacked.. .I can only imagine the things coming out of his mouth.

Arriving at work, I saw this chic who works in my building.  ["MY building".  haha.  The audacity!]  She was wearing some extremely high, high-heeled shoes. I just giggled.  Well, one, because most of the time, chics who wear these things have no idea how to walk in them, and it just makes me shake my head.. like.. WHY??  Another reason is... it reminded me of the movie "Secretary".  If you haven't seen it, it's worth checking out - if you are open-minded sexually.  James Spader..Maggie Gyllenhaal.

Click here... you know you want to:
Secretary

I've seen this high-heeled chic many times before.  I run into her in the bathroom.  We work on the same floor.  She's very "nice".  She's very tiny.. but not very pretty.  Very, very fake.  So I see her and this dude (who I presume is her boss) leave together for lunch a lot.  I just get this feeling that they are having an affair.  It's not my business at all, and I don't really care.  I just find myself saying "They are Totally fucking."  Then I laugh.  I don't know.. I suppose it's an interesting tidbit in the mundane 9-5 life.  He is attractive.. dresses Really nice.. drives a Jag.  I hear them talking in their office (we have very thin walls) and he's all Blah Blah Blah Blah Blah and she's allllll giggly.  Haha.   I don't know.. the shoes just made me chuckle this morning.  Like.. she's totally wearing them to get him going.  They're having fun at work - nothing wrong with that.  Unless of course either is committed to another party.

So yeah, Secretary.  I wonder if some Secretary shit goes down with them.  I bet they check into the Marriot at noon instead of hitting up Houlihan's for their loaded baked potato soup.

Another thing I witnessed this morning:  an orange slice on the stairs.  HA!  Wow....  my life sounds kind of pathetic.  Blogging about an ORANGE SLICE I saw on the stairs.  I don't even know what I'm going to say about this orange slice.  How did it get there???  Whoooo did it??  Haha.    .. I wonder if ants will come.  Do they smell that shit from outside??  I often wonder who fruit flies know there is fruit sitting out at my place.  Seriously.  If I sit a [peeled] piece of fruit out on the counter.. in a day or two.. they will be there.  Are they just flying by random people's homes... taking a wiff as they do a fly-by?  Haha... when I was younger.. I used to think that the fruit flies came From The Fruit.  Yep.  Just like I thought that the condensation on the bottle of pop/water came from Inside the bottle.

Learning is good. 

Is there crack in this Earl Grey??

Ok so let's start with the dude behind me this morning.  It's rainy today.  And cloudy.  And dark.  Lots of lightning.  It happens.  I hear tons of accident reports on A.M. radio.  WHY?  It's not snow & ice people.  Dude behind me... let's call him Ted.  Ted has no lights on.  [I know I'm not "supposed to" end a sentence with a preposition but... how in the hell else would you say that?  "Ted's lights are in the off position"?  haha.. LAME]  I'm sure you've all seen this before.  This seriously bugs me.  Add it to my long list of THINGS I DON'T GET.  I have to chock it up to be selfishness.  "Well, EYE can see... and that's all that matters."   No.  You are living in society, with other humans, driving on a road, with other humans, all going different directions, all having shit on their minds, all in a fucking hurry.  It's just life.  It's what YOU DO.  You get your shit together...  flick your freaking lights on and turn your wipers to the ON position.... and drive.  Is it REALLY too much to ask?

Even tho it's a law to have your headlights on while it's raining...  it's more common courtesy.  What's that?  You never heard of that term?  YEAH.  That's the problem.   I know there will always be self-centered people out there... but it will never stop bothering me.  I'm not the kind of girl who just.. gets in her car and drives and tunes everyone and everything out.  Maybe I should be.  But I'm not.  I look around.... I pay attention... I think.  Pretty much the first thing I think of when it's raining is.... put your lights on.  Ted didn't even have his WIPERS ON!   ......then I started thinking......  what if it's not raining in his world???    ...haha. 

Hey... what do EYE know??  I know people who have seen some shit.  Shit that I am not capable of seeing.  Are they making it up?  I doubt it.  Are they really seeing it?  Are their eyes viewing an actual physical occurrence???  Or....  is their MIND seeing it?  They say the mind is an extremely powerful tool.  Tool?  No.. its not a tool.  Is it??   It's an... organ.  I don't even know WHAT it is... It's fucking amazing is what it is.. but I'm not going to get into that.  Either way... when they say "it's only in your mind"... what does that even mean???  so what!  What ISN'T in your mind??  So yes... If I currently have a tiny purple man in olive drab slacks standing next to my mug filled with pencils.....lol.... and I see him...  he's there.  And he's real.  What IS... Real???   .....The Matrix.  Badass movie.    

Way off track  here.  But IS there a track?  Haha.. no.  That's why I come here....  it's my purple playground.  There are no rules!!!!!!!!!!!!   Yay!!!!  Okay, I gotta pee. 

I'm back but I think I'm done.  Till next time.........   eat your vegetables!!! 

The Centenarian Gangsta

Just read about a guy who's 111.  Not sure I'd want to be human for that long.  There are other things this soul's got to experience.  But.. I guess there's time for that.  As..... there IS NO expiration date on the soul.

The body SERIOUSLY has got to be shutting down at that point.  It's nothing less than fucking amazing that the heart is still functioning... still beating away since day 1.  WOW.  I reeeaalllllyyyy need to get more exercise.  My poor heart... it's so unselfish... just pumping away to keep me alive.  It's only purpose is to keep this girl alive.  And I'm over here chilling on the couch.  I did dance a little yesterday.

You know... my usual, living room dance party.... Backspin on Sirius.  Nothin' better than Old School Hip Hop.  Well....  if we're being totally honest here.. my all time favorite thing to dance to .... the stuff that REALLY puts me in THE ZONE.... where I don't give a fuuuck....  is Gangsta Rap.  HAHA.  Now, I may not even know the real definition of "gangsta rap" but it's gotta be full of energy and very inappropriate.  Dr. Dre... Snoop Dog... DMX... Tupac...  tons of others.  LL Cool J is not a gangsta.. but one of my all time favorite songs to dance to.... it's in my Top 3... is LL's Doin' It.  It just does something to me.  I guess it does what he intended it to do to girls.  Haha.  Yep...  I'm in the Zone you Want me to be in.. haha.  It's an incredibly sexy song.  It doesn't matter WHO you are.. you're getting grinded on if you're near me.  Lol!  Another favorite is California Love by Tupac... but there are a few different versions....  it's gotta be a certain one...  and...  Let Me Clear My Throat by DJ Kool.   Those are some faves that come to mind.  DMX songs really fire me up.  And.. that SLAM song by Onyx.  YEAH.  Lots of songs from Snoop's Doggystyle and Dre's The Chronic.  Man I love that shit.  I don't know how or why my skin is this shade of Caucasian... cause I certainly do not feel Caucasian.    

So my intent of coming on here today was to write about road rage.  Haha.  See how quickly things get out of control with me?  And now "the suits" have arrived in the office....... and they've taken my mojo away.   Booooooo.  

Next time. 

Thanks for putting the wind back into my sails, guys.  I think I'm back.

: )

Toothbrush in the Hallway

Haha.  I just saw a guy walking down the hall, towards the bathroom, brushing his teeth.  Why not wait until you reach the bathroom?  I don't find it gross or inappropriate... although some would.  I just find it silly.  It IS a personal thing.  That would be like swirling a Q-tip around in your earhole, while walking down the hall, passing strangers.  ........huh?     ......was that guy just....??? 

And it wasn't just water and bristles either.  I smelled Colgate as he passed me.  

Some people don't care, and that's the bottom line.  And, as long as it's not hurting or negatively affecting someone else... so be it.  I just found it humorous. 

My (furry) Boys

Hilarious - "Portrait"

My cat is in love with Q-tips.  His name is Iggs.  His given name is Iggy Pop.. but you know you don't call your pet what name you gave him.  We call him Iggs... Iggsy... Piggy... Pinkleton... Bubba... Bubbies... HAHA... the list goes on.  It's him and his brother who rule our house.  His brother has the most unfitting name there is.  Diesel.  A more suitable name would have been Cupcake.  SERIOUSLY.  Iggs has pretty much remained the complete lunatic crazy ass that he was since birth.... making his given name a good one. Diesel is a sweetheart...  but only to the two humans living in his house.  Oh, and I'm sure he believes it's HIS HOUSE.  He is pretty much an asshole to everyone else.. but only because of fear.  If he has enough time to warm up to you - like a YEAR - you'll see his true colors.  He's your typical, skiddish, scardey-cat.  Runs as hides as soon as anyone but us opens the door.  He will come out eventually if it's a Female.  But... those scary men.. forgetabout it.  Unless you have a very soft voice, or start baby-talking.  Someone I know has a particularly deep "radio voice"... no way he'd get near my boy.   So............  what do we call HIM?   Dean.  Or...  Shveezil.  lol...  I love how these ridiculous names come out of nowhere.  Buggies.... Deaner... I rarely call him Diesel....  only when he's in trouble.. lol...  like when he jumps up on the counter in the kitchen when we go into the other room and he knows we can't see him... lol... he's hilarious... and so smart.  Since he's a cat.. and stealth-like.. you can't hear him jump up there... you can only hear him jump Down... . and I'm like (in my most stern, deepest voice)  dee-ZULLL.  He doesn't give a shit.  He knows damn well I aint gonna do SHIT to him.  All he's doing up there is going to the sink and licking whatever water he can find.  They love water. 

Anyway, he is incredibly loving.  All this boy wants is for me to hold him, and love him.  It's precious.  His is my baby boy.  My heart.  I never had my very own pet, until these two ended up in our bushes at midnight.  They were 1 month old.  I know I'm not their REAL MOTHER, oh but I'm their mother.  They could not possibly be more loved.  People talk about their kids.. and tell stories.. and say how much joy they bring to their lives.  Welp..  they are my kids.  I kinda feel like if I had a tiny human that I would love it even more.. but really... I see no difference.  I think I would love them the same.  I guess it might be a little more intense... since the humans can talk to you and.. reach you on a level that the felines cannot but.. I don't know.  I won't know till it happens.  Till then....  I am delighted by them.  Amazed every day.  They don't learn new things and start talking and teaching YOU things... like a human would... but...  They're still Totally Amazing creatures.  Full of love... and their curiosity brings me joy.  So.... back to Iggs for a minute.

He is something else.  Everyone probably thinks they have the perfect cat.. or... the best cat ever.  Well...  I GUARANTEE I would win in ANY contest for.... Best Cat Ever.  See, the people out there who "aren't cat people" or who claim they don't like cats...  I get it.  There are cats who are assholes.. just like there are people who are assholes.  Most of the time there is a reason they are being an asshole.. just like humans... but.... sometimes they're JUST an asshole.  So......  Iggs is NEVER an asshole.   People like dogs because they are loyal.. and are your best friend and... greet you at the door.. and.. hang out with you wherever you are.  Well.. that's Iggs.  He literally RUNS to the door every day when we come home from work.  He's either already at the door, waiting, cause he hears you approaching.. or he runs.  He is SO HAPPY that you are there.  And let me be clear...  there is food in his bowl.  He's not pretending to love us because he knows we are the keeper of the food.  He has plenty of food and he knows it.  He just loves us.

Now.... a big debate in MY head is.....  would they love us if we didn't have hands.  HAHA.  I'm gonna go with probably not.  Cause.... it's all about the hands with the humans.  That's what makes humans so great...  our hands make them feel REAL GOOD.   I would like to do an experiment.  Have a person who HAS no hands.. get a cat... love it.. sweet talk it.. feed it.. etc.  But they can't pet it.  See how the cats reacts.  Either way... we DO have hands (thankfully) and.. we love to rub them down.  It makes them feel good... it makes Us feel good. 

SO....  Iggs is awesome.  He says hello to us... he follows us around.. he hangs out with us.. no matter what we are doing (besides vacuuming and hair-drying).  He is man's best friend for sure.  He is absolutely hilarious.  He is "bad".  He is the dominant one... he beats up his brother...  oh I could go on and on about the things this cat does but...  I'll just leave you with this because I'm certain you are all catted out.

This boy fetches Q-tips.  In the bathroom - every morning - he hangs out with me on the toilet [HE's on the toilet - EYE am standing]..  sooooo happy... purring away... just to be alive...  meowing... saying hello mommy... saying good morning...  whatever he's saying I don't know but he's happy as hell.  So.. we used to have your standard bathroom trash can.  Since he's so "bad" he would take things out of it.. like q-tips. Yeah.. used Q-tips.  Yuk.  But this cat LOVES gross things.  Haha.. he's insane.  He's Iggy Pop.  He'll freaking lick or eat ANYTHING.  lol..  So yeah.. he was stealing waxy Q-tips until we got a can with a lid.  So..  He knows the sound of the Q-tip container..  and he started snapping.. getting alll excited... so.. I gave him a clean one.  He was SO EXCITED.  I show it to him... his little nose is all red with excitement.. lol...  I throw it..  and he RUNS as fast as he can after it!   Then.. he brings it back!!  What cat fetches?  He brings it back to me.. drops it.. looks up and meows.  How freaking cute is that.  He did that about 4 times the other morning...  then next morning like twice.  He's weird, but man is he awesome.

I really could go on with the shit he does that is awesome/unbelievable/hilarious.. but I will leave it at that.

I am just so SO thankful for them.  They are literally the best part of my day, and my life.  I mean, my man is too but... that goes without saying.  We really are a family.  You don't need human kids to be a family.  All you need is more than one individual.. and lots of love.  And... that we have.  : ))

Good day, all.   

"That's all life is... a series of moments"

Okay MEN... I'm just going to start babbling on here and if you're lucky something interesting will come out.  I feel bad that I have made yinz wait so long for my brain spewings.  But like I said... I don't feel compelled to come here unless I've got something pretty interesting or funny to say.  Or.. I just feel the need to vent when I'm pissed.  Things have been different lately.  I've gone through changes, as most of us have.  I go through lulls of depression.  Sometimes I get pissed.. sometimes I "shut down".. where I don't want to share anything with anyone.  But we all do that, right?

I also feel pretty fucking fantastic that a few humans actually give a shit enough about what I have to say that you're all up in my shit about my slackage.   I don't write proper sentences.. and I'm ok with that. 

I'm currently eating a banana.  It is my breakfast.  I like bananas A LOT.  But they have to be in a very specific phase... otherwise they're just gross.  I'm not sure which is worse...   green, and not ripe yet or.. overdue and mooshy with yellow/brown skin..and the dreaded BANANA STRINGS.  I guess the latter.   I know you can bake banana nut bread with mooshy (or is it Mushy?  No- that would be MUSH-EE) bananas... but... I don't bake banana nut bread.  I don't bake at all.  I LIKE baked goods but, I've never got into baking.  Essentially my whole family are bakers.  I can think of 7 right now that are super duper into baking.  And are Very good at it.  Haha... my dad even used to make banana nut bread.  haha... I miss that crazy fucker.   [PETER COTTONEATER knows what I'm talkin' about ...... little hot dog shoppe action....... ]

Don't you just love inside jokes that DON'T involve you?  HAHA.  Inside jokes are the greatest when you know what's going on... but when you don't.... it's an awful feeling....  you feel like you're not in The Club.  Speaking of the club.....  the thing that comes to mind when I hear "club" is the "club" I was in in 4th grade.  The Kool Kats.  Hey.. we wouldn't be cool if we spelled cool correctly...... now would we?

So there was the "club".... nothing went on in this "club" whatsoever.. oh.. but we were IN IT.   I remember spending a lot of time one evening making POSTERS, on construction paper which read:  Kool Kats.  I was pretty excited about them....  being in a club in the first place and... bringing my creative passion to the group in the form of "signs".  Where we would place these signs was never determined.  But..... the following day I presented my signs with excitement..... Only to be told by "the club leader" that I was KICKED OUT.

HAHAHAHAHA... Yep.  Kicked out of the Kool Kats.  I fucking love stories like that.  That's what life is all about.  Stories.   Moments.... and the moments that we often refer back to that bring a smile to our faces and make us feel all warm inside.  Ahhhh.  LIFE.  They say it's all about RIGHT NOW... not the past.. not the future... but to me it does seem like it's about the Past.  No one has any clue what the future holds.... and right now is just... right now...  things are kind of just happening....  you don't have any real Attachment to RIGHT NOW.   But..... looking back..... thinking about some things that happened 15... 20... 35 years ago....  yep.  That's the good stuff. The Smells... the Sounds... Memories just ooze back in.  Isn't it awesome how when you smell a certain smell you're like !!!!!  ...it stirs up some old memory.  That's so neat.  And songs... songs always do that to me.  Definitely why I feel such an enormous connection to grunge.

Today, when I hear Pat Benatar's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot", it immediately puts me back in 1980.  My favorite song in 1980?  Another One Bites The Dust by Queen.  That song is fucking BADASS.  Still. 

I'd like to hear about everyone's very first memory.  I have lots of memories from a lot of years ago..  but.. what I find very odd is... I don't have many - if any at all - memories from ages 0-8.  Yes, there was turmoil happening in my household, due to my father being a heavy alcoholic with many, many deep-rooted demons.  My guess is that I repressed most of those memories.

There is a photograph of me when I was around 1.....  or 2... I don't know... .fucking little shit.... I was sitting on the grass and I had a little buttercup flower in my little, chubby hand.  I was sniffing it.  It's such a beautiful display of innocence.  I say that I remember that moment.... that it was my very first memory.  But...  I probably don't REALLY remember it.  It's the picture.  I have a lot of pics of me as a baby/kid.  So....   I kind of live thru them.  They serve as my memories.  Two real, early on memories that I do remember... when I was 8....    shortly before my mother left my dad.... after 10 long years of abuse.

1) My last birthday party.  Just a few girls... hanging out in the kitchen.  I was opening gifts and all I remember getting was Scratch and Sniff stickers.  And I fucking LOVED them.  Stickers to me then are like what a Ferrari would be to us today.  Haha.  I still have my sticker book that I put together around that time.  MY OH MY the memories and feelings that surge thru my soul when I look at that thing.    ..Very cool.

2) The last Christmas in that house. I was 8.... and there was a LARGE gift next to the tree for me.  It was the coolest gift I have ever received.   It was a dollhouse that both of my parents constructed.  It was absolutely amazing.  My dad made the house out of wood... softened all the edges.. stained it inside and out... made an actual staircase out of little slats of wood.. those too were stained.  Made fucking BEDS... with cushions on them!!  My mom made curtains for the windows... put flowers in the flower boxes outside of the windows....  put wallpaper in every room... laid linoleum in the kitchen and bathroom...and bought a house-full of awesome furniture for each room.  It even came with a mom, dad and two kids.  :)  Just like us.  Oh... and they made a mini picture frame that hung on the wall with an actual picture - I can't remember who was in the picture at the moment.. but it was one of us.  I remember being amazing and excited as I took the wrapping off that thing..  I knew it was something special.  What I did NOT realize at that moment was..... How amazing it was that even tho my parents' relationship was in complete fucking shambles.... and my mum was on her way out.....  they both gave enough shit to put together an amazing gift with THAT much LOVE.. just for me.  :))))))    That..... my friends..... is the best memory I have with my family.

I still have the dollhouse.  It's in my garage.  After the divorce... I stayed with my gram for years.. and the house ended up in the attic.... I moved several other places in the next several years... but the house stayed there... along with all my barbies... and my little cousins ended up playing with all my stuff... and ruining some of it - as kids will do.  You know..... the old nail polish on Barbie's naked boobs trick.  HAHA.  So my Aunt salvaged some of the furniture that belongs to the house.. I'd like to eventually restore it one day... we'll see.

So.... pretty impressive blog for not really having anything to say this morning.  Shit.. it's not even 10AM yet.  It took me over 4 hours to fully wake up just yesterday.  Today is a better day. 

Jesus

I think Jesus would be a meat slicer if he were around today.