Band-Aids

Terrific!  Someone finally did it.  The only band-aid I've ever seen in the stores I visit are "peach" (for lack of a better term.  I remember using the "peach" crayon to color people as a kid)    Whatever we whities actually are.  We certainly are not White.  Not peach.  Tan?  Beige?  I have no idea..  All I know is that all the band-aids I've ever seen are clearly made for The White Man.  Yes, yes, Now they have "clear".  That's kind of a slap in the face tho, no?  They won't make Brown or Black.. but they'll make Clear... just to fit Everyone.  Why not make them a variety of shades?  After all.. the humans on this globe who get boo-boos come in a variety of shades, do they not?   I've been talking about this for YEARS.  It's So refreshing to see that they finally exist.  Haha.  Yinz have no idea.

I remember mentioning this idea (band-aids for black people) to a dishwasher I worked with back in the day..  around 14 years ago.. and he gave me shit and called it Racist.  Um...  don't you think NOT having band-aids for black people is racist???  It doesn't take a genius to figure out something is wrong when you see a little brown boy with a band-aid on his knee that sticks out like a neon sign cause it's made for Beaver Cleaver.      

So I found this photo online...  so I assume they're in stores Somewhere.  But, why aren't they in MINE?  We have Walmarts and Targets and a variety of local grocers in my area.  So...   Where Are They??  I think I'm gonna buy a box of them if I see them...  I'll throw a Black on on my PEACH skin.  See how I feel then.

pain

"Remember, we are eternal.  All this PAIN is an illusion."  -MJK

...gleek...

Just looked up "gleek" on dictionary dot com.  Didn't know it meant "to make a joke".  Haha.  I only know it as..  projecting saliva out of your saliva glands for fun...or by accident.  This kid Mark taught me how to gleek when I was 14.  I know.. some say it's gross.  Yet another thing I don't find gross.  Unless of course a Gross person is doing the gleeking.

Gleek reminds me of Gleaming the Cube.  I still don't know what that shit means.  Christian Slater was hot back in the day tho.  Noooo doubt.

So, I have a problem.  I have two actually.  And I have solutions to both.  Let's see if I can make it happen.  One is Really old news.. but the other one is my new off.the.effing.charts irritability level.  It's freakin' nuts ya'll.  I have zero means of meditation (and I said mediTation, not medication) in my life at the moment.. and I know that's the problem.  I came Off soothing medication and.. helloooo Need for Meditation.  I have a drum.  It's a djembe.  I know that's where I need to start.  Cause the ol'.. sitting in a quiet room.. Indian-style.. just doesn't work for me.  I need SOUND to shut off my brain.  So, yeah.  that's a goal of mine.  Do some drumming Every  Single Day.  I'm back in drum class which I'm super happy about.  I just wish I could stick with daily drumming!!  

I'm always going to be the person who has REAL PHOTOGRAPHS in a photo album.  That's probably my favorite material possession.  If the house went up in flames..  First thing I'd grab...  my boys.. then my photo albums.  Everything else can suck it.  Fuck the bed.  Fuck the clothes.  Fuck the appliances.  Also.. forget this ipod stuff.  Sure..  I'll have one around.. but I'll never get rid of my CD collection.  I still buy CDs and I will continue to buy CDs until the man stops producing them, which I know is coming soon.  I do miss having nothing but time to read every lyric..  memorizing every word on the disc.  I just need to build some shelving on my walls to house these things.  They're piling up. 

But... you didn't come here to hear about shelving.  You came here to be entertained.  Well.. that is all I have at the moment.. but there Will be more to come.  I guarantee it.  I'm going to leave yinz with this photograph:

Coming clean..

Allright.  Not that I haven't been real with you all...  I'm just going to Really throw it out there now.  This is who I Really am:

• I like to listen to heavy rock music.  Loud.  Till I can't hear myself singing along.
• I don't like most humans.  They irritate me.
• I love coffee but I hate coffee breath.  
• I don't like the color pink, but sometimes I see something pink that really catches my eye.
• I dress like I'm 17.  A 17 year old BOY.  And I don't give a shit.  
• I am 36.  I will be dressing like this until I'm in the casket.
• I was JAMMING OUT to "One" by Metallica this morning.  A song I have loved since I was 13.
• I am impatient and judgmental, yet sensitive, loving and emotional. 
• I have severe road rage.  Well, not severe.  I don't own a gun, nor would I throw a punch.  Or the bird.
• I DO NOT GET this white, curly, permed deal that 90% of old ladies have on their heads. 
• I follow the rules of Lent, even tho I am not at all Catholic.
• I smell my shirts to determine if they need washed.
• I could Never admit the things I would do if I were invisible.
• I want to be friends with more black people.  An Asian chic and a midget.
• I think that being politically correct is lame, but I know that it's necessary to keep the peace.
• I really wanna know what people with brown skin prefer to be called.  
• I keep my toothbrush a LOT longer than they say to.  Eff them.  
• I don't feel that flossing at the dinner table is rude.  At all.  Unless of course food is flying everywhere.
• I'm all about farts, but holding them in when others are present at dinner is a good idea.
• I like yellow.  It seems to be the outcast color.  The one that would be out getting into trouble.
• I don't have an issue with the gays, but I don't like how gay is immediately associated with a rainbow.
• I am an Enormous slacker, even tho I hate that about myself.  
• Procrastination is my middle name, and I fully blame my father for that.  I believe it's in my Blood.
• I do not flush the toilet every time I pee.  I think every other time will suffice.   
• If I was in charge of all of society, there would be video cameras in every household.  And vehicle.
• That way, not ONE CHILD OR ANIMAL would ever be abused.
• I think that if you smoke in your vehicle and there is an animal or child present, you should be shot.
• I'm a Very opinionated person, but not a know-it-all.  I'm always open to others' wisdom.
• The worst:  Know-it-Alls.  People who lie more than they tell the truth.  People who are Full of Shit.
• I believe that people at a concert that talk the Whole Entire Time should be escorted out.  Roughly.
• I think if you're 7 feet tall - or wear large hats - you should stand in the Back. 
• I LOVE babies and kids, but please talk about other things as well.
• When I'm wearing a dress, I feel like I'm a guy.. wearing a dress.
• There is just something sexy about Adrian Brody's Crazy Ass Nose!!
• I carry a $1 duct tape wallet.  Cause I like it. 
• I wouldn't drive a Chevy Yukon if I got it for FREE.  Extra Large vehicles boil my blood.
• If someone blatantly pulls out in front of you, yes, they should be tailgated w/ horn kept in the ON position.
• Lindsey Lohan should probably just off herself.
• Small talk is a complete waste of time.  Tell me something REAL.
• Just learned:  Today in 1935 it became illegal for airplanes to fly over the White House.
• I find it disturbing that there is a whole museum dedicated to the FREAK that was Andy Warhol.
• I'm worried that someone's gonna put a Dress on my dead body when I pass.
• I think they should teach (mandatory) hand drumming in high school.  It may calm kids down some.
• I have always felt that something extraordinary is going to happen in my life.
• I'm really freakin' happy that I'm not bald.
• I hate the part of myself that doesn't want to lose the 20 pounds that I desperately need to lose.
• I feel like if I was 50 pounds lighter, I would have zero problems.  Even tho I know that's not true.
• I think having more than 4 kids is just ridiculous.
• I'm not sure what I'm going to do if I discover it's too late to have children. . . .
• I think it's REALLY bad for the soul to make enemies.
•  Negative energy can and will destroy everything good.
• I wish I could turn back time..

THIS is when pink catches my eye.

 
 

Holy Cuteness!!

Baby Macaque Monkey.  Little Buddy.

Ted Kaczynski's Cold Cuts

MAN I have a lot of thoughts swirling around in my head!  I feel like it's 1999 and W is in the backseat on our way to Columbus.  He was all "I have so many thoughts running through my head right now, I don't know what to do."   I believe that was followed by "I wanna play the Bagpipes!!"  haha... man I miss those times.  The Twenties.  Nothing quite like them.

So I see this JACKASS drive by me.  He just exited the Sunoco parking lot.  I see him throwing something out the window.  I look down.  It's his [loser] scratch-off lottery tickets.   Are you fucking Kidding Me, dude?  Like.. for real for real???  This makes me SO ANGRY.  Why??  Why can't you keep them in the car with you until you reach the next trash can?  [haha... I just changed "receptical" to "can" cause I didn't know how to spell receptical and didn't feel like looking it up]   I wish I could have asked him that.  I swear to you.. If I am ever in earshot of a litterer..  I hope I can gather the ball strength to say something to them.  But, the problem with that is, I am a non-confrontational human.  One that doesn't care to get into a fist fight at a Walmart.  So.. I just stew and... say nothing.  Instead, I should learn to stand up and take the chance of getting punched in the eye.. just so I can embarrass the hell out of them and make my point.  Selfish assholes.  I saw this chic standing in the lunch meat (cold cuts, if you will) line.. she had one of those paper numbers in her left hand.. and she nonchalantly squeezed it and let it drop on the ground.  OH NO you didn't.  Hey hun.. I Saw you.  FYI.  The friggin' BASKET o' discarded paper numbers was about 2.5 feet from her person.   Seriously...  I can relate to Ted Kaczynski.  I think I'm better off living in a cabin in the middle of Nowhere.

Okay, I broke and looked up receptacle.  And...there you have it.  I learned something today.   

I was thinking about something on my lunch break.  (big shocker)  Americans are major freakin' gluttons. [myself included]  It really, truly is DISGUSTING how much food we consume in one sitting.  SHAME on us.  There couldn't be a large enough Shame Finger running down the shame finger.  You know what I'm talking about.  You know when you say "shame shame!" and you get your right pointer finger and rub it down your left pointer finger a couple times...  that's So weird.  Wonder where/how that originated.  ANYHOO..  I get Way off track.  Some people only have 1 bowl of rice to eat - for the whole DAY.  That's what I need to start thinking about when I have that full pound of cooked pasta in front of me at the Olive Garden. 

That's another thing I realized about myself lately.  I always want to know the origin of things.  Who was the first person to utter the word "shish-ka-bob"??  or "pumpernickel".  I wonder about our surnames.  Why are some last names "first names"?  Like Robert Joseph.  How do you get Joseph for a last name??  I thought it all had to do with occupation.  Guess not.

I need to stop.  Something's gonna squirt out of my head.

Laters...

Light Rock, Beans and Rental Cars.

So I've been driving around in a vehicle that's not mine for 2 weeks.  A month ago, the same thing happened.  My car is what I call "dead" at the moment.. for the 2nd time in 2 months.  So, I'm driving another while mine is in... let's just say "The Shop".  Now, I try to be a positive person, but it's really hard sometimes.  I really do HATE this "rental car".  I just CANNOT - for the Life of me - get comfortable in this thing.  I am constantly adjusting the seat.. adjusting the steering wheel... the mirrors...  the heat.  There are just certain things that will feel awkward, no matter how much you try to make them feel like part of you.  This ride is one of them.  I want to appreciate the fact that I have transportation during this vehicular pickle I'm in, but I'm like.. Fuck It.  I hate it, and that's all there is to it.  Perhaps a tiny bit of hate is good for you.  NOFX seems to think so. 

I don't even know where I come from.  Most females I know do not give a rat's ass what they drive... or how "comfortable" they are in said vehicle.  "It's a CAR.. it gets me where I need to go".  I couldn't feel further away from this philosophy.  I actually LOVE my car.  I love driving it.  I feel super comfortable in it.  It just feels like ME.  I love hopping in..  throwing on some tunes.. and trekking on my way.. zig-zagging along Earth Mother's curves.  Sometimes at law-breaking speeds.  I have high hopes that she will be back in working condition w/in the next week.  HAHA.. you think God has time to hear my 'fix my car' prayer??  My gram seems to think he can fix her knee.....

Coffee beans just popped into my head.  I want to know how they get the caffeine OUT of the bean, to make decaf coffee.  Seriously!  That's just weird.  "Okay Ed, time to suck out the caffeine."  ....???  Who would have ever thought such a thing was possible????  And.. here's my answer:

Decaffeination

And.. speaking of decaf..  I don't usually like songs like this..  the Godforsaken "light rock"..  but I Love this one.  Hope you enjoy it too: 

Bright Lights - Matchbox Twenty

Pancakes and Salmon

Just a warning.. this blog is going to be All Over the Place. 

Purple.  I really do love the color purple.  I didn't realize how much I liked it until yesterday.. I was basically covered head to toe in it.  (I wasn't strollin' around like Barney or anything)  I had a purple cardigan-type thing on (I wish I knew what those things are called.  It's like a small/thin cardigan, but not sweater material), purple bra, purple panties (hey-yoooo), purple in my socks and a purple phone.  I'm like dang.. I guess I really like purple.  There's just something about it, ya know?  My grandmother says it's the color of spirituality.  Perhaps that's why I like it so much.  It also reminds me of being a kid.  A lot of girls like purple.  I know it was my favorite color as a kid.  Purple and Unicorns.  I thought the coolest thing in the World was unicorns!  I still have a stuffed animal named "Uni" (I know, quite the original name).  I don't remember when I got him.. but I know I was young.  It's funny cause my dad knew I liked unicorns as a kid.. but then I grew out of them.  But he still continued to buy me unicorn things all thru my teen years.  And probably even my 20's.  He often visited thrift stores and any time he would see a unicorn something.. it was mine.  Haha.  It was very sweet.  He also bought me a gold chain and cross pendant when I was around 15.  I told him I didn't like gold.. but he told me it was "good" and got it for me anyway.  Haha.  I still don't like gold, but I keep that cross in my jewelry box.  Along with a Gold bracelet he got for me.  Haha.   Hey.. Gold is Good!!

So I was at Eat n' Park the other day and this little girl must have just learned the word "pancake" cause she said it, out loud, around 900 times.  I mean, I love little kids but..  Jesus H come on now.  Then I ordered the Salmon Burger, while telling my server that I hate salmon.  Haha.  I wanted to give it a go.  I have tried salmon about... 7 or 8 times.. all different ways and...  I freaking hate it.  I want to like it SO BAD but.. it's staying on my hated foods list whether I like it or not.  (YUK!!!!!!!!)   Guinness was like that.  I described it as "pork chops marinated in soy sauce".  I hated it.. but wanted to like it So Badly.  Till one night.. at this Irish Pub.. I tried it when I was already buzzed up n@ and I loved it!  [wonder if that's like the time i tried black licorice when i was marijuana high a LOVED it) 

I had several other things I wanted to mention.. but I got side-tracked for about 4 hours and....  they're gone now.

Oh, had a freakin' idiotic dream this morning that Kourtney Kardashian was recommending a dry cleaner to me.. telling me they would make my clothes super duper shiny.  She had a name tag on that read: Maureen.    Where in the Eff do these things come from??

I guess the only other thing I will mention at the moment is.. The show Modern Family is extremely awesome. I'm not into prime time tv and sitcoms, but this show is pretty freakin' hilarious and I love it.    Best show of all time goes to Seinfeld tho.  Noooo doubt. 

Good day.