SOOOOOOOOO EXCITED!!!!!!! just bought tickets!

Today is a Good Day.

First of all, woooooooo-hoooooooooooo.

Secondly, Awol Nation.  Looks like another one-hit-wonder band.  So sad.  I really liked their first hit. 

How can you have it in you to write great songs....  then just write One. Great. Song??

And, for the record, it's not technically a "great song".  It's considered great in the "bands I like that aren't that talented, but their shit excites me" category.  There's a lot of those out there.  

In closing...


*sigh*

Funny Shit.

I was just talking about needing a good laugh.  The kind that makes you cry.  Well I found it. 

Can it be 1980 again?

I'm eating a fruit roll up, currently.  It's been what... 30 years?  Is it even good?  No.  It's just fun.  One of those things that brings excitement to the surface..  Something that takes you back to that place.... if only for a moment.  Not the crappy part of your childhood...  but the Great part!  The part where..  eating a fruit roll up was a way of life.  And.. the thing you looked forward to most was running in the house after school, whipping off your "good" clothes... putting on your "play clothes" so you can run outside.. and stay there till your mom called you in for dinner.  Then throwing down your food so you can get right back outside again.  Till dark.  Anything to worry about?  Nah.  Anything to be concerned with?  Nah.  Except maybe that your buddy's dinner was a quick one and he was outside first, waiting for you.  Ahhh...  the good old days.  OUTSIDE.  There is nothing better to a child.  Well.. that's the way it Should be... that's the way it Was.  Yes we had video games back then, but we had sense not to play them when the sun was shining.  We avoid the outdoors when it's raining now.  Before, it was an opportunity to run thru and jump in the puddles.  And...  play in the mud afterwards!  It's a shame that we can't do that as adults.... without looking like we're insane.     

Behind me, on the way to work this morning there was this couple.  I'm going to go ahead and assume that they were on Cocaine.  I can assume this because... this is my world.  I can do whatever I want.  Haha.  [I can also do 47 cartwheels in a row...  Wanna see?]  Chic was driving.  Talking NONSTOP.  Dude was passengin'.. sniffing like a mother..  rubbing/wiping his nose.  I could just see it in his eyes that he was effed.  And this is 8 o'clock in the Morning.  ..which got me thinking...  how much cocaine would one have to buy to keep you going throughout the day.. if you start at 8 AM?  See, I have no clue because I never touched the stuff.  I'm only assuming that if you're doing it at 8AM, then you're gonna have to keep it up every like... what..  half hour?....hour?  That's a lotta drug.  You'd have to work all day, every day, just to afford your habit.  Wow.  I bet a lot of people do that.    I understand WHY people do drugs...  I just think it's unfortunate that some people take it too far.  We are such Quick-Fix creatures.  We want everything RIGHTNOW.

I'm like that at times.  Impulsive.  If I get a quick flash of a Watchamacallit in my head... I HAVE to go out and buy one the next day.  That's just ludicrous. 

I consider myself pretty lucky.  I went to this place....looking for a certain something... and I found pretty much Exactly what I was looking for.  And I'm pretty pleased. 

So my car is STILL in the shop.  Good lord, I'm going to shit bricks if I actually get that thing back.  At the moment, it's a complete mystery - like - Scooby Doo mystery - what's wrong with the thing.  We have entrusted this very talkative, very nice Greek man down the road with it.  Let's see if you can work your magic, my Mediterranean friend.  I know you can do it!   Greeks HAVE to know what they are doing.  They made frickin' Feta Cheese and Grape Leaves.  Two of the greatest creations on Earth.

..Below my #1 Top Pick of Tastiest Food of All Time to Land on my Tongue:  Chipotle's Guacamole.   

P.S.  You'll have to forgive me if I come off as unintelligent at times.  I don't know for sure if the Greeks invented feta cheese and grape leaves...  It just seems that way to me. 

Swhere's my Swatch??

Did I mention I've been searching ...and searching... for this watch that I bought in 1989 that I KNOW I have??   I'm thoroughly exhausted.  I have looked EVERYWHERE.  I bought new bands for it [which mysteriously disappeared over the years] and now the watch face LITERALLY fell into the black hole of holes.  I'm So Upset!!!!!

....Anyone?

Anyone have a CLUE where it could be?????????

: ( 

P.S.  It's not a "mystery" why the bands disappeared over the years, with at least 15 moves under my belt.
Also, it's kinda sorta irreplaceable.  I COULD buy another whole watch, but I won't for 2 reasons.  One, the reason I want mine to begin with is because it was mine when I was 15..  holds sentimental value.  And two, I'm not paying over $200 for another one.  It wouldn't be anywhere Near the same, even if I did.  I need MY watch.  And.. it's considered "rare" now, which is super duper cool.  Waaaaa!!  

An Apology.

Beads!

Holy Smokes.  What a despicable, depressed mess I have been.  Yuk.  I apologize.  No one wants to click on a blog and hear depression.  People have their own shit to deal with.  Well, I suppose we all go up and down...  but when I'm down I should just keep it to myself.  The therapist thinks I have a chemical imbalance.  I say... it's definitely possible.  I'm not going back on meds tho..  that's too easy.  And bad for the soul.  Making changes in my diet.. eating actual FOOD and not crap...  moving around more... and doing something to relax my crazy mind.. is something I need to keep doing.  Falling off track seems So Easy.  I've been doing really well for about..  9 days now.  There has been bouts of depression that have slipped in there, but I'm trying to fight it.  For some reason, every time I vacuum I feel depressed.  Haha.  I just think it's such a mundane task.. and it gives me nothing but idle time to THINK.  And.. I really don't like to think.  I wish I could have constant Things filling up my head so I would never have to think.  This is going to sound bad but...  I am in No Way Shape or Form a suicidal person but.. if I had to do a job... such as Vacuuming for an 8-hour shift, I would more than likely be floating below a bridge somewhere.  I know, that sounds really bad.. but..  there would just be too much idle time.  And when you supposedly have a chemical imbalance in the brain, idle time is a Very, Very bad thing.  SO...................................... yeah.  Trying to stay busy..  be more active.. eat better... eat less....  Drum More!

I'm pretty excited...  in 3 days I will be drumming next to my drum instructor at an African dance class!  It's going to be So Much Fun.  I love that shit. Drumming... dancing...  getting into that whole trance-like-mode.   Where.. there is no such thing as Troubles...  you are drumming and dancing them away... and the best part is..  No Thinking!  Well.. only about the beat I'm trying to hold down.  That whole African beat thing.. really does something to my innards.  It's a Very Good Thing.  I'm nowhere Near good enough to be doing this.. haha.. but... he thinks I am.  So, that makes me feel good.  :)  2 hours straight of hand drumming!  Wow! 

What else is going on...

I'm getting back into being crafty again.  Creating things is fun.  My mother is Insanely Crafty.. and I'm going to be joining her at some upcoming craft shows.    ////////Made some duct tape flower pens, just for fun.  People loved them.  I ended up giving most of them away to little girls.  You should have seen their faces light up.  It was priceless.  Hell.. I should just make duct tape flower pens and pass them out to little girls everywhere!  I should come up with a male version.  I told a little boy that he could buy a flower pen.. it isn't just for girls.  He was slightly offended.  Wonder if I could formulate (formulate??) a Matchbox car topper for the pen?  ...Are they even Called Matchbox cars anymore?  I feel so old saying that.  Speaking of matches...  I was watching a how-it's-made type of show last night where they were making A TON of matches..  who even buys matches anymore?\\\\\\\\   Wow can this girl go off on a tangent.  So, I will be making some non-fancy necklaces and bracelets.  I can never find the ones I want.. so I gotta make my own.  I feel like I'm drowning in a sea of Fancy Shmancy Girly-ness.   

I need to really CRACK UP.  Like...  when your stomach hurts and tears are pouring down your cheeks.  How awesome is that?  It's a shame that's a rarity for most.  When I do, it's usually my cats that do it..  Mostly Iggs.  Holy Hell is that feline funny.  I love when he gets really wild..  he just gets this Burst of COMPLETE WILDNESS and gets all hyper and Takes OFF down the hallway.. .and tackles this little rug we have by the door.  HAHA.  He straddles it with all four legs.. and bites it.  It's effing hilarious. 

[[out of nowhere]]  I wonder why I feel so uncomfortable even showing a LITTLE bit of cleavage.  I've never been one of those chics that are like... yeah..   look at This.  Even the tiniest bit showing..  I can't stand.  And it's not insecurity.  I know the visual of it is a good thing..  I'm sure it looks lovely to the eye but..  I just... can't do it.  It's the tomboy in me.  It just seems.. not right! 

Starbucks!!  Italian Roast.  In my cup this morning.  Best coffee on Earth.

Down.

I feel like there is another person or - being- living inside my head.  Literally holding me back and stopping me from doing the things that the Real Me wants to do.  I say one thing... or want to do something.. and I end up doing the complete opposite.  Constantly.  I feel that I have Zero control of my own Being!  I can have all the intentions in the world to improve my life..change a lot of things I don't like...  but something is in there constantly pulling me back in.  Is it insanity?  Or Fear?  Split personalities perhaps??  I can look around and see a lot of thing that resemble mental illness in my own family.  On BOTH sides.  Does that shit in fact get passed down?

When one has no control over their own SELF... does that make them insane?  

The question is...  if I'm NOT clinically insane.. then what Am I?  I'm going to look up the definition of insanity.  Be right back.

Mentally Deranged.  HAHA!  Yes.  That's the ticket. 

So....  here I sit.  Trapped inside this cage.  Of flesh and insanity.  Looking out....  Hoping someone will catch a glimpse.....   I'm inside...  yelling and screaming at the top of my lungs!  ...but no one can hear.

Hoping someone will climb up the tower and save me.

Save Me....

too much death.

oh man.  i don't know what is going on.  there has been so much DEATH this year already.  i know that might sound kind of stupid because there is death happening every single day, all around the world, but it just seems extra real when it is happening in your own town.. like.. every 4 days you find out someone else is dead.  just like a little over a week ago i watched a class mate lay there in the coffin.  now.. i just found out another 36 year old is dead.  it's very depressing.  and it is scaring  me.  i'm feeling at any moment a very close loved one of mine is going to be ripped away.  no one ever wants their loved one to be taken away.. especially at such a young age.  i know it has to happen but..  why does it have to happen so young???  again, i know it may sound dumb to expect all people to live to be 100.  i know that's not how this thing works, but shit.  it's just Real hard to get used to.   

....feeling very sad. 

also makes me think about the people that we love that are no longer a part of our lives.  either they drifted away.. moved far away.. or there has been an argument that has kept you apart.

why?    why does this shit have to happen?
  

Wow.

Cyanide & Happiness

I think this is Absolutely Hilarious.  I LOVE this comic strip!!

Kites

Just bought a kite.  Pretty stoked about that.

All Over The Place Thursday.

Man.  Some people can NOT take criticism!  So this dude (possibly chic.  i judge by the vehicle they drive if i can't see the face) is in front of me at a traffic light.  We get a green arrow.  Which, I'm hoping you all know means GET.THE.FUCK.GOING.CAUSE.PEOPLE.HAVE.TO.WORK.FOR.A.LIVING and "he" just sits there.  I usually give them around.... 3 seconds - max.  He's got No Intention of moving, my friends.  So, I guess what I Should Have done is give a polite tappety-tap-tap on my old friend, Mr. Horn.  But..  Yeah..  I kinda laid on it.  I have officially run out of patience with human driving.  My horn was probably on for 2 seconds.  So, he finally goes.. but.. not in the instant that I had expected after a horn blow like that.  Haha.  So, yes, I'M the asshole who blows by him in the passing lane and he ends up seeing me a quarter mile down the road, stopped at another light. Haha.  I drove by him, NOT looking over.. cause I know he/she/it/they wanted me to.  I don't care about them..  I just need to get to work to start the coffee.  So I'm now in a left turning lane, stopped, waiting for another lovely red light and ... DUDE passes me cause He had a green light and.. he BEEPS as he passes.   Um....    Really?

Here's him:  "There's that girl that beeped at me!  I'll show HER!!"      *eyeroll*

Yeah so, I saw him drive by and I heard the beep.  I got a good chuckle... and I'm sure it made him feel better.  He sure showed ME.

Part of the problem in this world is that people cannot admit any wrong doing.  I will take some blame for laying on the horn, when I should have just thrown out a quick tap - like I usually do in that sitch.  But, he certainly should not have been offended/angered by someone telling them to GO when the light is green!

Yeah yeah.. I know.  I need more patience.  A LOT more patience.  Know where I can buy some??

So there is this guy in my drum class.  The jury is still in their chamber trying to figure out if this guy is just really strange and quiet, or has murdered as least 9 people.  It's one of the two.  So, this chic was sitting next to him as we began our meditative warm-up.  Right after, she was all "I'm sorry, I don't mean any offense but I had to move away from you because of all your negative energy."

UM.....  Are there metal detectors in our building??  Are you not aware that these days you'll get your head (and everyone else's) blown off for saying stuff like that??   Man..  Don't be surprised if I'm not back to write another blog after next week's class.  Thanks Susan.  (NO idea what her name is)  

I come from a very humble beginning.  There was a time that I had a hard time scraping enough change for school lunch.  Yet...  I sit here..  realizing that I am becoming more and more of a snob every day.  Something I Hate about humans.  ..the snob factor.  Almost nothing worse than that.  enter: coffee.  Folgers is basically POOP.  I used to really dig 8 o'clock.. but NOW it's Starbucks.  Something I used to shake my head at.  (But.. I'm not THAT snobby yet.. I still end my sentences with a preposition!)  I used to say how ridiculous the Starbucks-consuming community was...  WAY over-paying for something I can easily get elsewhere for much cheaper.  Man was I wrong.  This shit is THAT GOOD.  It must be one of those companies that sold their soul to the devil.  Just like Procter & Gamble.  So now I have become a coffee snob.  It's not that I want to be this way.. it's just that...  my tongue has developed a preference to this magical bean juice.  [haha]  And when I have something else..  right away I'm turned off.  I just made the execs at Starbucks very, very happy. 

So last night was a pretty large eye-opener on how precious this life is.  A chic I graduated with died of Cancer at age 36.  I can't tell you what seeing her beyond frail body did to me.  It was not an easy truth to accept.  She is dead.  She was only 36 and a very nice, sweet and positive person.  Her husband told me not to be sorry, for he was happy that he had 8 years with her, and also delighted that she picked HIM to spend those 8 years.  His strength and peace was both amazing and inspirational.

Don't hesitate to tell the people that you hold dear to your heart that you LOVE THEM.  We truly can be taken away...  at any moment. 

Hey.... YOU....  I love you.