negative nancy

It's funny how... when you're completely submerged in a pool of irritation.... it keeps getting worse and worse as the day goes on.  I don't want to say it's a "bad day".. because that's not smart.  That only leads to... me not having a good day.  And who doesn't want to have a good day?

Irritation SUCKS ASS. 

I hate it.  Things happened this morning.. in my house... before I left work... I will spare you the details but they involved vomit and blood.  (not what you're thinking)  So of course my drive in is going to be irritating.  Slow drivers.. red lights... school buses.  It's like when there's a fumble on the field... everyone jumps on the ball... and all these humans keep piling up... one on top of another.  That's how irritations works.  

I had to laugh tho.  I come into the office and... get my things set up for the day.  I look at the US map on my wall and I see "Baja California".  .....and THAT irritates me.

"Why the fuck is it called California when it's in Mexico????"

These are the times that my inside voice tells me...  I need a beer.

Meditation would work even better.  Just meditated last night.  It was great.  Feeling calm is a tremendous feeling.  I love it so much, and I want to feel it always.

I feel like there is such turmoil happening most times.. inside my head.

*SIGH*

I cut my own hair last night.  Which is dumb because I don't know what I'm doing.  I was like.. "I don't even give a shit".

Someone..... come quick with an open hand.  And make it a good one. 

Oh, one more thing.  Another thing that pissed me off....  it's October 21st....  and this house has LIT REINDEER and a LIT MANGER in their front yard.  What the fuck is wrong with people?  I can't say there's something wrong with people getting excited about something... and it's not hurting anybody.... but... what happened to the two other holidays in between now and Dec 25?

I just don't like it.

There are lots of good, healthy, positive things that happen in my life, and I don't dismiss them.  It just seems like sometimes... when not-so-good things happen...  I take it personally.  I can't seem to just dust if off and move on.  It lingers.

Tonight will be a good night tho.

This is not funny.

Technology, in certain aspects, is a great thing.  It has saved thousands, perhaps millions of lives.  It brings some people together, but it seems as if it is ruining a part of humanity.  I saw (what appeared to be) a dad, walking to the bus stop with his kid - probably 6 or 7.  Dad was looking at his phone.  Kid was just looking ahead.  If that phone didn't exist, what do you think would occur?  It could still be silence between the two, but it could also be a good opportunity to TALK to your kid.  Get to know him a little better.  Let him ask you questions.  I just think that... THAT part of the kid/parent life is such a beautiful thing.  Being a kid is pretty much the most important part of your life.  What goes on when you're a kid is what makes you who you are, pretty much till death. 

It's a free-for-all when humans create other humans.  You can do - or not do - whatever you want with them.  I think it is your absolute duty to do your best at instilling a few key things in their tiny heads.  Like respect, for one.  Respect for themselves and others.  That would be a great place to start.  You need to respect THEM, and also demand respect from them.  Confidence is also HUGE.  An insecure kid is not going to get very far in life.

Why do so many do the bare minimum?  I am no angel.. I'm a huge slacker.. there are a million things I want to change about myself!  But..... if I had the incredible luck and HONOR to actually create a human being... you better believe I'd be putting blood, sweat and tears into that miracle of life. 

Public Pooping

I'm sitting there.  She's sitting there.  It's dead silent.  I'm hoping she just has to pee.  I'm sure she's thinking the same.  After a few seconds, we both realize... that's not the case.  So,  I have a choice to make.

Do I stay, and relieve myself so I am comfortable, physically?  Or do I push out a little pee, pull up my pants and leave, so I am comfortable mentally? 

I chose mental comfort. 

Is that part of anxiety?  Insecurity?  Does everyone have these thougths?  No.  There are some of you out there that give zero "shits" about shitting in public, with a stranger 3 feet away. 

There should absolutely be music playing in every public restroom.  I'm sorry, I am not one of the few carefree and confident humans out there that find that situation no different than greeting someone on a subway.  I think it's awful!!!!!

Releasing your waste... pooping.. shitting.. crapping... droppin' a deuce.... dropping the Cosby kids off at the pool.... hahaha.... it's human nature.  I believe it should also be a private thing.  500 years ago, people pooped.  Up until I looked it up just now, I had no idea how long humans have been on this planet.  They say 200,000 years.  .....haha I'm over here saying "500 years ago..." likes it's a long time.  What about 195,000 years ago....  how did humans poop THEN?  I am envisioning what I call "the woods".  Others call it "the forest".  What did humans who lived 195,000 years ago call it?  Either way, I'm fairly certain they didn't have anything remotely resembling a toilet back then, so most likely, they squatted against a tree and did their thing - in private. 

Now... 200,000 years later.. there's me.  In an office building full of strangers.. and a room.  A small room you go in when your shell needs some attention.  Whoever thought of "the stall" didn't have a very open mind.  That stall only takes away ONE SENSE.  I can't SEE the person next to me (thank God).. oh.. but I sure as hell can HEAR them.  I believe taking away the hearing is just as - if not more - important than taking away the Sight - of such a private, stinky act.

Enter.............. Music.  That thing most of us love.  It makes EVERYTHING better.  Even shitting.

But my office bathroom has no music.  No sound.  Just... discomfort. 

So yeah, I left for two reasons.  If I did my thing, it would make me feel uncomfortable if SHE heard.. .and if she did her thing I would be uncomfortable FOR HER.. because EYE heard.  So, I did it for both of us.  I could have just stayed there, and waited.  But then... that would be a selfish act (in my eyes) because then SHE would have no privacy.  I think it should be an unwritten code of conduct.  Like the courtesy flush.  Give each other the privacy they deserve.  The problem is... most people are self-centered.  I do them a solid and.. they leave me out in the cold.  whatever...  I'm a firm believer in ... it's better to give than receive.  So...  my good deed is done for the day.  She had her private poop.  .........as I waited down the hall.. peeking out of a crack in my door.... like the fucking weirdo that I am. 

At least I got a private poop sesh out of the deal.  :))  Win - Win.