Horizontal Humans

Haha.  I almost went to "blooger" instead of blogger.  Hahaha.  Blooger.  Say it.  Go ahead.

Blooger. 

So I just wanted to give a shout-out [.......huh?......] to guardrails.  Guard Rails.  How ever you spell it.  I remember learning about compound words in school.  That was a long time ago. 

So, driving along...  I notice many dents, dings are bruises on guard rails.  [some call them guide rails.  when i was a kid some kid i knew called them 'garden rails'.  HAHA]  So just think how many times guardrails saved lives.  Or... saved someone from a major injury or "dismemberment".  Don't you just love that word?  Is it just me or do you immediately envision an arm being ripped off? 

THANK YOU, Mr. [& Mrs] Guardrail.  Thank you for saving lives.. and arms.  Not many thank you... but I will do it for them.  Thank you on behalf of all the humans that have bumped into you.  Because of you...  they were allowed more time on this globe.... so they can continue drinking and/or speeding and driving and blast into more of your friends and family.  HA!!!!!

YEAH.  I'm in THAT kind of mood today.  Mr. & Mrs. Guardrail, and family.  Little guardrail kids... with blue ball caps on backwards... running around.. playing ...  whiffle ball.    ...Is it "whiffle"?  Wiffle ball bat....  The Beastie Boys mentioned it once.....   but how's it spelled, by golly?    woofle.  AnyHOO...............

Yes, there is a secret, underground society of Guardrail families.  A community.  But.......

....................................BUT................................................

The question IS....... WHAT is guarding the guard rails from harm, when THEY are driving haphazardly down THEIR roads?????

Humans!?  HAHAHAHAHA.......  Horizontal Humans..... linked together... to protect [and serve] the Guardrail Community.  ..I can see that as a newspaper headline.

Oh man.   I think I need to stop.  I think JT might pee her pants.  It's her fault I'm like this.  She has a funk-a-delic brain... and it has definitely been passed on to me. 

Human Guardrails.    I had no idea this blog was going to reach this level when I started. 

..back to normalcy.  [what a boring place]

I just noticed all the dings in the guardrails I see and I feel thankful.  I'm trying to be thankful... well.. more thankful in my life.  I've always felt thankful.  I'm just trying to greatly amplify it.  Something I've been reading/listening to lately has given me a boost in self-awareness.... and how much power we hold within ourselves to feel absolutely fantastic... most of... if not All of the time.  We really can... no matter what is happening.  It just requires a lot of focus and practice.  I never want to feel down in the dumps again.  Ever. It's such a shitty feeling.   I want to be happy and feel joyful.. and be silly.  All the time.  And yeah, thankful. 

So the guardrails got thanked today.  Haha.  Take a look around.. as you're driving.  Look at how many dings you come across on those things.  How many peeps have crashed into them.... maybe they HAVE thanked them.. after they walked away from the accident.  I know I would.  When I was in a potentially bad car accident in 1998....  I thanked the old school, steel bumpers on my dad's El Camino, for saving us.  A garbage truck had hit us head on... After we were rear-ended by a car.  The truck smashed that bumper down to the ground.. into a big silver "V".  If it wasn't for that strong piece of metal....  who knows what could have happened to us. 

That is all for now.  Good day!

Hugeness

big.  all things big.  friggin huge.  or.. as some would say..  "Yooj".  i don't know what this obsession is with all things huge.  why does it appear to make humans feel better.. more important.. in control..?  huge vehicles.  huge houses.  huge diamond rings.  huge televisions.  big big big.  bigger is better..  why?  why is bigger better?  there can be (and actually is) someone out there with a small car, a small house and a small tv that is pretty fucking secure with themselves.  they can be happy, secure, smart and actually have their shit together.. all with nothing but tiny things surrounding them.  i guess it's an overcompensating thing?  they actually do not feel very good about themselves... so they buy really large items.. and surround themselves with those things.. .they buy the biggest possible truck on the lot.. so they are higher up than everyone else.  louder.  more metal.  thicker tires.  louder horn.  home theaters that mimic the movie theater.  big speakers.. large.. big bang boom.  i'll knock your socks off with this massive *insert item here*   the men want large penises.  women want large wallets.  the people on the top.. the CEO types... they want MORE..  even larger bank accounts.  larger yachts.  more more more more.  bigger = better.  right?   

i know there are some peeps that are quite content and happy with whatever they have in life.. yet they still like big things.  so to them i ask.. why?  does it all come down to status?  and proving to others that you are worthy and significant because you are able to uphold a lifestyle consisting of very LARGE things?    haha....

yeah.  i just don't get it.   you've seen the women with these enormous sunglasses and handbags.  why does it always have to be a popularity contest?  why must we constantly compare ourselves to everyone else?  why do we always have something to prove?  Hey... look at this massive fucking truck i have... let me ...  rev the engine for you.. and get up on your ass like a thirsty mosquito. ..Especially at night... when I have my Super Duper triple ply quadruple freaky styley double decker extra bright HD PCP LED super high intensity headlights on.

   

 

for real.

Reality Bites

Hey, look at that.  Exactly 1 month later.  I don't plan these things.  And as a matter of fact, I am finding out the more you plan, the more it falls through. 

I was going to blog about something the other day..  and now I don't remember what it was... 

There are constant thoughts running thru my brain vein... but yet.. Nothing is really spilling out at the moment.  You know what would probably help..  A smart phone.  That way.. I would have constant, easy access to this here page.. and I could jot down some things the moment I think of them.  That might happen in a month or so. 

So...  hold your horses, Michael.

; )    .....I miss you buddy.  You're my #1 fan!  HAHA.  You should come visit me.  I know, I know.  It's cold & clowdy here.  Wait... did I just spell cloudy wrong??  HAHA.. Yes I did.  Cloud has no "w" in it, k.rae. 

We can go to George's for breakfast.  Good local joint for breakfast...  Cripsy-ass bacon.  Then drive out to Raccoon State Park.. and take a hike / or walk / since we're chubby bastards.  We can pretend it's 1996.. and they drained the lake...  and I can take a photo shoot of you .. while you show off your pretzel tattoo while laying on the ground.  But you have to shave your head first and.. lose about 40 pounds.  HA!  Oh.. the good old days...  when we were YOUNG & SLENDER.   .....  *sigh*  If only it was as easy to grab that back than it is to remember it. 

I miss the I.O. too.  That really was my favorite job.  It was SO FUN.  I would do anything to go back to that time...  re-live a weekend at the I.O. with you and Aub and Linda and Jenn and Mark and Paul and Dan and Sloan and Todd and Art and Nick and Dennis and Joyce and Regina and Sean and TJ and ... oh man...  NOT Ralph.  That dude was a douche pocket.  I wonder what LAMAR is doing now!  Do you remember his last name???  I should look him up on FB.    We tried to have an I.O. reunion..  well.. we did have one... it was mini... but it was a reunion.  It was me, Aub, Todd, Sloan and Heidi.  I think Mark and Paul showed up too.. no.  No that was a different night. 

Haha.. do you remember when it was busy as fuck and I slipped on a chicken finger as I was holding one of those HUGE trays, full of porcelain?  Then I started bleeding and I panicked.  [I aint got TIME to bleed!]  Yeah, that was fun.  I was so freaking stressed out.  MAN we used to get busy.  Frank tried to talk me out of filling out a report. Haha.  He was a strange, little man. 

Do you remember WAYNE...  the manager that came in to shut us down?  He had like... 9 kids.  like...  9 months apart. 

But seriously, brother, I love you and I miss you.  A LOT.  You really should come up for the weekend... maybe in May... when it's warmer...  we'll hang out.. go do some hiking..  maybe try to see a band or two in the city...  sip [a.k.a. 'guzzle'] some beers.. maybe catch a laser show.. you know... that's all we need...  you, me, and five bucks.

HAHA... remember when you had this on your machine:  At the beep, please leave your name, number, and a brief justification for the ontological necessity of modern man's existential dilemma, and we'll get back to you.

Reminiscing is both a blessing and a curse.