I also feel pretty fucking fantastic that a few humans actually give a shit enough about what I have to say that you're all up in my shit about my slackage. I don't write proper sentences.. and I'm ok with that.
I'm currently eating a banana. It is my breakfast. I like bananas A LOT. But they have to be in a very specific phase... otherwise they're just gross. I'm not sure which is worse... green, and not ripe yet or.. overdue and mooshy with yellow/brown skin..and the dreaded BANANA STRINGS. I guess the latter. I know you can bake banana nut bread with mooshy (or is it Mushy? No- that would be MUSH-EE) bananas... but... I don't bake banana nut bread. I don't bake at all. I LIKE baked goods but, I've never got into baking. Essentially my whole family are bakers. I can think of 7 right now that are super duper into baking. And are Very good at it. Haha... my dad even used to make banana nut bread. haha... I miss that crazy fucker. [PETER COTTONEATER knows what I'm talkin' about ...... little hot dog shoppe action....... ]
Don't you just love inside jokes that DON'T involve you? HAHA. Inside jokes are the greatest when you know what's going on... but when you don't.... it's an awful feeling.... you feel like you're not in The Club. Speaking of the club..... the thing that comes to mind when I hear "club" is the "club" I was in in 4th grade. The Kool Kats. Hey.. we wouldn't be cool if we spelled cool correctly...... now would we?
So there was the "club".... nothing went on in this "club" whatsoever.. oh.. but we were IN IT. I remember spending a lot of time one evening making POSTERS, on construction paper which read: Kool Kats. I was pretty excited about them.... being in a club in the first place and... bringing my creative passion to the group in the form of "signs". Where we would place these signs was never determined. But..... the following day I presented my signs with excitement..... Only to be told by "the club leader" that I was KICKED OUT.
HAHAHAHAHA... Yep. Kicked out of the Kool Kats. I fucking love stories like that. That's what life is all about. Stories. Moments.... and the moments that we often refer back to that bring a smile to our faces and make us feel all warm inside. Ahhhh. LIFE. They say it's all about RIGHT NOW... not the past.. not the future... but to me it does seem like it's about the Past. No one has any clue what the future holds.... and right now is just... right now... things are kind of just happening.... you don't have any real Attachment to RIGHT NOW. But..... looking back..... thinking about some things that happened 15... 20... 35 years ago.... yep. That's the good stuff. The Smells... the Sounds... Memories just ooze back in. Isn't it awesome how when you smell a certain smell you're like !!!!! ...it stirs up some old memory. That's so neat. And songs... songs always do that to me. Definitely why I feel such an enormous connection to grunge.
Today, when I hear Pat Benatar's "Hit Me With Your Best Shot", it immediately puts me back in 1980. My favorite song in 1980? Another One Bites The Dust by Queen. That song is fucking BADASS. Still.
I'd like to hear about everyone's very first memory. I have lots of memories from a lot of years ago.. but.. what I find very odd is... I don't have many - if any at all - memories from ages 0-8. Yes, there was turmoil happening in my household, due to my father being a heavy alcoholic with many, many deep-rooted demons. My guess is that I repressed most of those memories.
There is a photograph of me when I was around 1..... or 2... I don't know... .fucking little shit.... I was sitting on the grass and I had a little buttercup flower in my little, chubby hand. I was sniffing it. It's such a beautiful display of innocence. I say that I remember that moment.... that it was my very first memory. But... I probably don't REALLY remember it. It's the picture. I have a lot of pics of me as a baby/kid. So.... I kind of live thru them. They serve as my memories. Two real, early on memories that I do remember... when I was 8.... shortly before my mother left my dad.... after 10 long years of abuse.
1) My last birthday party. Just a few girls... hanging out in the kitchen. I was opening gifts and all I remember getting was Scratch and Sniff stickers. And I fucking LOVED them. Stickers to me then are like what a Ferrari would be to us today. Haha. I still have my sticker book that I put together around that time. MY OH MY the memories and feelings that surge thru my soul when I look at that thing. ..Very cool.
2) The last Christmas in that house. I was 8.... and there was a LARGE gift next to the tree for me. It was the coolest gift I have ever received. It was a dollhouse that both of my parents constructed. It was absolutely amazing. My dad made the house out of wood... softened all the edges.. stained it inside and out... made an actual staircase out of little slats of wood.. those too were stained. Made fucking BEDS... with cushions on them!! My mom made curtains for the windows... put flowers in the flower boxes outside of the windows.... put wallpaper in every room... laid linoleum in the kitchen and bathroom...and bought a house-full of awesome furniture for each room. It even came with a mom, dad and two kids. :) Just like us. Oh... and they made a mini picture frame that hung on the wall with an actual picture - I can't remember who was in the picture at the moment.. but it was one of us. I remember being amazing and excited as I took the wrapping off that thing.. I knew it was something special. What I did NOT realize at that moment was..... How amazing it was that even tho my parents' relationship was in complete fucking shambles.... and my mum was on her way out..... they both gave enough shit to put together an amazing gift with THAT much LOVE.. just for me. :)))))) That..... my friends..... is the best memory I have with my family.
I still have the dollhouse. It's in my garage. After the divorce... I stayed with my gram for years.. and the house ended up in the attic.... I moved several other places in the next several years... but the house stayed there... along with all my barbies... and my little cousins ended up playing with all my stuff... and ruining some of it - as kids will do. You know..... the old nail polish on Barbie's naked boobs trick. HAHA. So my Aunt salvaged some of the furniture that belongs to the house.. I'd like to eventually restore it one day... we'll see.
So.... pretty impressive blog for not really having anything to say this morning. Shit.. it's not even 10AM yet. It took me over 4 hours to fully wake up just yesterday. Today is a better day.
